Pimping Martha Stewart: This post is not as provocative as it sounds. And has not been edited for brevity. Or content. Or style.

So I did something really educational last night: I watched a television news show. Now, I'm not saying educational in the sense of learning important or worthwhile facts about politics or life. Instead, this was more of a "seeing how the other half lives" kind of experience.

I'm here to report that it's not pretty. I watched Anderson Cooper 360, mostly because I think he's kind of cute, in a preppy, prematurely greying kind of way. And he seems like a pretty nice guy, which definitely gives him an edge over the Bill O'Reillys and Daryn Kagens of the world. Or not. Because aside from the niceness and cuteness, this show had very little going for it in terms of reality and originality. No wonder the Daily Show viewers do better than TV news watchers on current events quizzes.

The show featured and expert on low security prisons and offered important insight into Martha Stewart's first day in jail. After Cooper read from her online letter. Apparently Martha Stewart is bravely continuing her heroic journey of. . .self-promotion. Anyway, this expert turned out to be Heidi Fleiss, although it took me a few minutes to register that fact because I was trying to figure out why only parts of her face moved. Was she paralyzed? Maybe part of her face was melting? Made of wood? Ahh, but at last I figured out that the woman was in her final stages of Botox disease. I've really never seen anything like it. Martha Stewart, I hope you're watching. Instead of asking Nelson Mandela what you're going through in prison, they dragged out a wood-faced, scarier-than-Joan or Melissa Rivers ex-pimp. And with no hint of irony whatsoever.

360 also featured an excruciatingly long interview with the lawyer/gangster representing Bill O'Reilly's phone sex accuser. It revealed . . .absolutely nothing. And lasted about 15 minutes. And was followed by a brief but loud screaming match between two uninvolved lawyers discussing the merits of the case. About which they knew nothing. Mmm, fun and enlightening.

After discussing the Kerry/Mary Cheney incident for about half the show, and featuring numerous clips and pointless interviews , Cooper concluded his show by awarding Lynne Cheney the "overkill of the week" award. Really.