Reasons Why I Prefer Being a Golden Retriever Puppy to Being Human: (A post by the real Rudolph, who is mad I've been using his name)

1. People give me lots and lots of attention just for being excessively cute. I am a beautiful blond. How 'bout you? Didn't think so.
2. I con people into giving me extra food all day long (see above reason).
3. I feel no pain. Not even when I am dropped on my head. Particularly when I am dropped on my head.
4. I do not over-analyze anything. I do not suffer from self-doubts, guilt or low self-esteem.
5. I do not worry about "getting chunky." People think I'm even cuter when fat.
6. I always think something fabulous is About To Happen!! Weee!
7. I think rolling around on my back is really quite entertaining. You should try it sometime.
8. I'm not suffering from post-election depression.

Trivial downside:

1. I'm not old enough to buy beer.
2. When I get lonely and sing the blues as an expression of my serious grief and existential angst, people think that it's funny. Folks, it's NOT funny! Really! Stop laughing.