Fine.

Ooh, now I'm a big girl. Just got Sitemeter. I think.

Safe

Well, I made it through two and a half days in west Michigan. I would like to say more but Daisy's discovery has me paranoid.

Speaking of Daisy, you would appreciate my menu for the week. I just made some delicious fresh salsa for black bean quesadillas, and am planning homemade butternut squash ravioli, truffle risotto, homemade pizza with whole milk mozzarella, and whole roast chicken for the rest of the week. I probably lost you on the chicken, huh? But so yummy.

Things I Will Miss about New Orleans When I Leave on My Quest for Non-Easel-Related Employment and Health Food:

1. "Scarless breast augmentation" billboards
2. Comically dirty, over-the-top politics that make no pretense of politeness or restraint
3. The social acceptability of being really drunk during daylight hours
4. Roast beef sandwiches dripping with gravy and mayonnaise
5. Fried oyster po-boys. Hell, fried anything sandwiches. Not so big in the Northeast.
6. "I can have a coke?" "What time it is?"
7. Girls from Chalmette
8. Seeing sunrise from a bar. Deciding you might as well stay out longer since it's already morning.
9. Rodents of Unusual Size

Part 2 of Our Career Advice Section: Jobs That You Can't Get with a Four-Year Degree from a Private University:

1. Entry-level secretary (underqualified - despite having years of experience)
2. Receptionist (overqualified - despite begging)
3. Part-time errand-runner (underqualified)
4. Customer service representative (poor customer service skills and lousy attitude. Probably not the employer's, the economy's, or even W's fault).
5. Administrative assistant (underqualified)
6. Office manager (overqualified. Don't ask.)
7. Public relations or communications assistant (God forbid the city I live in should have jobs I actually want)
8. Clerk (who knows)


For more upbeat news, please see: Jobs You Can Get with a B.A. from a Private University (earlier post):

Never mind.

Just in Case Anyone Actually Reads This Nonsense...

I'm putting in a plug for Daisy's new blog, sadly to replace her old blog. Daisy is a New Orleans librarian (meaning she always have fabulous stories to tell and a very interesting point of view). (And better grammar than I do). Check out her candid and funny reviews of books, websites and music on I Have a Phoenix.

Colin Powell

I don't know why I keep making excuses for this guy.

On Wednesday, Secretary of State Colin L. Powell said Iran was trying to
modify its missiles to carry a nuclear warhead, and was working on weapon
designs that would fit those missiles. He has stood by those comments
despite indications elsewhere in the administration that the intelligence
had not been corroborated.

I defer to Jeff's opinion.

John: I'm not crazy

Wonderful Bush tax policy (otherwise known as "The Rich Pay Nothing and Fuck Everyone Else")...

Washington Post: The changes are meant to be revenue-neutral. To pay for them, the administration is considering eliminating the deduction of state and local taxes on federal income tax returns and scrapping the business tax deduction for employer-provided health insurance, the advisers said.

The Incredibles

Boring, boring boring.

Daisy will appreciate this post

I experienced a rather troubled sleep last night. I was repeatedly awoken by horrific strains of dog gas. Apparently the six kernels of popcorn I fed Rudolph the night before caught up with him. The miserable night of sleep I had rivalled that of the so-called "hell week" I experienced as a Tulane freshman. Hell week was the not-so-original invention of fraternities that required their lackey bitches, I mean pledges, to set off fire alarms at a different time every night in my dorm. Unfortunately for us, the only thing that Tulane ever updated in that decrepit building was - you guessed it - the fire alarms. They installed those ones that flash electric strobe lights and earsplitting buzzes that abruptly wake you up from a sound slumber, and then demand in a creepy robot's voice that you "REMAIN CALM!!!" By the fifth night I was sleeping through them. But nobody, I mean nobody, could sleep through the overwhelming dog-gas that shattered my pleasant slumber last night.

Desperate Prudes

This from the front page of the Washington Post:
After receiving complaints from viewers and the NFL, ABC Sports apologized yesterday for airing a sexually suggestive segment using Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens and several stars of "Desperate Housewives" to introduce its "Monday Night Football" game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Eagles.
"It was the most disgraceful thing I've ever seen," Pittsburgh Steelers owner Dan Rooney said in a telephone interview yesterday. "It's on at 9 o'clock. Kids are watching, and everyone starts to think this is the NFL. I've written a letter to the commissioner [Paul Tagliabue], and I don't think he can be very happy about it, either. We can't allow that kind of thing to happen." ...
The segment opened with actress Nicollette Sheridan, clad in only a towel, standing near Owens in the Eagles' locker room. On ABC's new hit series, Sheridan plays a character named Edie Britt, a multiple divorcee who has had a number of sexual conquests in her fictional neighborhood.
Sheridan: "My house burned down and I need to take a long, hot shower. . . . So where are you off to looking so pretty?"
Owens: "Baby, it's 'Monday Night Football.' Game starts in 10 minutes."
Sheridan: "Oh, you and your little games. . . . I've got a game we can play."
Later, with her back to the camera, Sheridan dropped the towel and Owens said, "Aw, hell, the team's going to have to win one without me."


This is such a ridiculous non-story. The NFL is not about sex (not to mention graphic violence)? Have they seen their commercials? I wonder what people are more worried about: the fact that Nicollette Sheridan is naked, or the fact that she is white and Owens is (whisper) black. Either way, this was the leadoff story on some local New Orleans news show last night ("If you were offended by last night's opening of the NFL, you were in good company") and on the front page of the Post today. Somebody please tell me why.

Where are all the conservatives?

WASHINGTON -- The government will carry out another accounting maneuver to avoid breaching the $7.4 trillion ceiling on the national debt, Treasury Secretary John Snow said Tuesday.
The step marks the latest move by Treasury to free up billions of dollars -- on paper -- so the government can keep paying its bills. Treasury is doing this because it is running out of room in its statutory authority to borrow.

The Animals Are Going Crazy

Beavers make dam out of stolen money
November 15, 2004
GREENSBURG, La. -- Beavers found a bag of bills stolen from a casino, tore it open and wove the money into the sticks and brush of their dam on a creek near Baton Rouge.

This can't be a coincidence, can it?

From Reuters, via the Boston Globe
LIMA, Peru -- Peruvian police said Monday they seized nearly 1,540 pounds of cocaine hidden in frozen giant squid bound for Mexico and the United States.
The drugs were covered in pepper to divert sniffer dogs and sealed in several layers of plastic and other wrappers. Police had been on the trail since August.
Seven people were arrested in the drug seizure. Police said the haul would have a street value of about $17.5 million.
Peru is the world's No. 2 cocaine producer after Colombia, and many of its drugs end up on U.S. streets after being sent via Mexico.

More Draft and Some Sinning (skip to the bottom for the sinning part)

A very frightening story in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette about the kind of people the army is calling up (courtesy of Kos). I don't see any way that this does not qualify as a draft.

GREENVILLE, Pa. -- Three years after he was honorably discharged from the Army, Frederick Pistorius was surprised to learn he was a deserter.
But there it was, on his doorstep: a letter from Barry W. Kimmons, Deputy Chief, Deserter Information Point Extension Office of the Army Reserve Personnel Command.
"On 12 July 2004 you were involuntarily mobilized to active duty in the United States Army," the letter says. "To date you have not reported to your mobilization station as required by your orders." Possibly Pistorius had not responded for two reasons. The Pistorius family had moved from the address in Sharon, Pa., to which the Army had sent its first letter. More saliently, having served honorably in not one but two branches of the U.S. military, with no additional obligation showing on his discharge papers, Pistorius would have had no reason to think he was subject to anything but his civilian job at a local steel plant...

Equally implausible were the men who turned up at Camp McGrady last month.
When I first spoke to Pistorius, by telephone from the camp, he said nobody had been given a physical. He told his Army commanders that he had a permanent back injury from a car crash. They were unimpressed by a letter from his chiropractor. His pre-deployment health assessment lists him in this word: "Deployable."
Pistorius spoke with his captain.
"He said everybody here's going to Iraq," Pistorius said. "It's unbelievable some of the guys they're bringing down there."
One man arrived with a hospital identification band still on his wrist. He'd just had knee surgery. One 48-year-old from Alabama had a hip replacement and fused vertebrae in his back.
"He showed them the documents, but they still made him come down to be examined by their doctors," Pistorius said. Pistorius spoke of a man called back from upstate New York.
"He had no teeth and he had arthritis in his leg," he said.


On a personal note, this is the scariest story I have read to date. My husband has Individual Ready Reserve status for a while longer. He assures me that they never call those people and that even if they do he's part of the navy and they're not going to Iraq. Besides, his skills are too valuable and his electronics and loading training were too expensive to teach. My feeling on the matter is that when push comes to shove the military will use anyone as "cannon-fodder" (my mom's endearing name for infantry).

Maybe the war-mongering red state religious types are onto something here: I've never had such good reason to pray. My wonderful friend Racheal just got to Iraq (sent there as part of the Army National Guard reserves). My fervent hope that she come home unharmed after her year, and does not get re-deployed or have her time extended borders on prayer. And when I think about the possibility of my husband...but I would prefer not to articulate that one. I can tell you that some non-rational voice emanating from somewhere deep in my gut (and not my head) prays to someone.

On a lighter note, our traditional Thanksgiving jaunt to Grand Rapids, Michigan should provide plenty of time to spend in church getting acquainted with my personal savior. Last year we had to go to services three times. In five days. And when we were there in August the minister started his, um, whatever the Protestant version of, oh hell, I can't remember the word. The part where they get to give their opinion of shit. He started that off with this profound, original and tasteful comment: "The Bible doesn't mention Adam and Steve, only Adam and Eve." I don't kid. And then continued his sermon (hey, that's the word!) by preaching that one candidate (clearly a dirty word) for President supported gay marriage. And he didn't want to preach from the pulpit and all, but...
I couldn't tell you much more about his lovely teachings 'cause I left and didn't come back until the service ended. John's family very wisely never mentioned it. John long ago taught them that they shouldn't ask a question if they don't want to know the answer. (How they found that out is really funny, but I better not mention it).
So all you people staying here to gorge yourselves on yummy food, gamble at the racetrack on opening day, drink, party and whatever other kind of sinning you will by enjoying, please remember that you're going to hell sooner. I will be there as soon as I can.

Sinister

Interesting story from the New York Times about Walmart's information gathering.

Scary:
By its own count, Wal-Mart has 460 terabytes of data stored on Teradata mainframes, made by NCR, at its Bentonville headquarters. To put that in perspective, the Internet has less than half as much data, according to experts.

Scarier:
"They can find out your mortgage amounts, your court dates, your driving record, your creditworthiness."

Scariest:
By next October, the company will require its biggest suppliers to tag shipments to some of its distribution centers with tiny transmitters that would eventually let Wal-Mart track every item that it sells.

The worst thing is that the Walmart people are using this data to further squeeze their suppliers. They are trying to effect a system in which the manufacturer owns a product until the point of sale. And gets stuck with all the excess and liability.

"You're not living up to your potential."

Child beaten for 'B' in conduct
Her father is booked with cruelty to juvenile

A Meraux man was arrested after authorities said he beat his 4-year-old daughter with her belt, injuring her hip with the buckle, after learning she had gotten the equivalent of a B in conduct in her prekindergarten class on Wednesday.

Jobs You Can Get with a Four Year Degree from a Private University...

1. Data entry
2. Greeter
3. Sign-in sheet coordinator
4. Easel ("Upscale hotel chain seeks easel. Professional appearance and Bachelor's degree required for this challenging entry-level position holding a sign. Will train right candidate.")

Framing

Whoever coined the phrase "backdoor draft" is a genius.

Bring on the Draft

This AP story should help me fulfill my nightmare quota for the week. John has Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) status for about 150 years. But he keeps reassuring me that it's a last resort taken just before the draft. I hope everyone else is as reassured as I am. Sleep well.


HONOLULU - A veteran of the first Persian Gulf War (news - web sites) is suing the Army after it ordered him to report for duty 13 years after he was honorably discharged from active duty and eight years after he left the reserves...

The Army announced last year that it would involuntarily activate an estimated 5,600 soldiers to serve in Iraq, Afghanistan (news - web sites) and elsewhere. Army officials would be tapping members of the Individual Ready Reserve — military members who have been discharged from the Army, Army Reserve or the Army National Guard, but still have contractual obligations to the military.

Tulane

I called Tulane today to find out why I still haven't received my diploma. I started at the logical place, the dean's office. They directed me to Academic Affairs. I repeated my question, and they sent me to the registrar's office. They kindly transferred me to...well, I lost count after five transfers or so. But the upshot of this whole affair was that I ended up at - you guessed it - the dean's office. Tulane is a fun, well-run school.

Talk about Setting the Bar Low

Iraqis Challenge Bush to Do Better Than Saddam
Thu Nov 4, 6:38 AM ET

By Lin Noueihed
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Iraqis challenged re-elected President Bush (news - web sites) on Thursday to bring them the elusive new dawn he promised when U.S. forces deposed Saddam Hussein.

"Bush talks about freedom and democracy but all the Americans have brought is death and destruction."

Eureka!

Is it possible that William Safire could actually cheer me up? His article "The Dangers of Lopsidedness" did just that. Sure, it was full of backhanded compliments to liberals, but it also reminded one that politics is a cyclical thing and that, in the words of former Speaker Sam Rayburn, "When you get too big a majority you're immediately in trouble." Safire even took it upon himself to warn that Bush that, "The atrophy of the usual checks and balances requires a certain internal restraint" and advises him to nominate for Justice a moderate, strict-Constructionist. Oh, and one who also happens to be brilliant, female, Hispanic...and from Massachusetts. Okay, that's a little weird. Maybe it's some kind of code? I'm onto him! William Safire is an enemy spy! Not an enemy mean conservative! I think I like him better now! (See, aren't you a little cheered up too?)

Self-Indulgent Rambling

Tomorrow will be a better day than this one. Can't be any worse. And tomorrow I find out if I will be spending another year (at least) in this great state that led the way on banning the gays from enjoying normal legal protections. By a huge margin (but thank God for the courts). Southern Decadence should boycott us next year and head to Massachusetts or California. Yes, I'm aware that those places are not one tenth the fun of New Orleans. And they don't desperately need tourism dollars the way we do. Whatever.

But when I'm not driving or attempting to buy something, or, God forbid, trying to order french fries at McDonald's of all places, I really do love this crazy city. A week in Washington D.C. reminded me of that. Sure, the folks in Washington are sane and thoughtful and socially progressive (I'm talking about the people, not the politicians, folks). And they are even a bit less homicidally rude than the people here. But they are also incredibly boring. The city has no pulse, especially at night. No rowdiness, no character, no grit. And most importantly, no dive bars. Can I really make a place where people feel the need to wear ties to bars my home? Maybe I could have before I lived here.

Great things about D.C.: The jobs. I applied for two jobs. One of them working as PAC coordinator and admin assist to the VP in charge of governmental affairs at a lovely office located exactly one block from the White House. The other job involved working for a bi-partisan lobbying firm that deals a lot with trade issues and represents some Latin American countries. It couldn't be more up my alley.
Other jobs I may be qualified for: editorial assistant at the liberal American Prospect magazine. Administrative coordinator for the Caribbean and Central America Association, a trade group that promotes economic justice. Junior account executive at a small PR firm that deals only with socially progressive issues and represents organizations like Planned Parenthood. These jobs are almost too good to be true. Can it really be worth it to move to a place with no heart and 600-square-feet houses that start at $300,000? Just to have a shot at the most gratifying and stimulating jobs in the universe? (This looks better on paper, but feels impossible after spending a miserable and lonely week in the city).

As luck would have it, I don't need to make that decision right this second. I have stumbled upon an actual interesting and cool job right here in Slackerville. Sure, it doesn't pay worth shit, and offers no benefits...but it's nice being happy. Right?

The Numbers Say It All

Halliburton stock: Up
Phizer stock: Up
Defense stock: Up
Oil stock: Up
Diebold stock: Up

why?

Is it really true? Could this really be what people want? More deficit, more weak economy, more injustice? More lying and scolding from the President? And don't even get me started at how disappointed I am that the bigots in so many states banned not just gay marriage but civil unions and domestic partner benefits. Do they know that these laws are going to be as notorious for their cruelty and wrongness as the Jim Crow laws are now? Well maybe not quite, but they are certainly in that vein.

I really went to bed last night thinking that the last four years would be swept aside like a bad dream. Now all I have are pitiful rays of waning hope, the certainty that the networks will dismiss and humiliate Kerry as a sore loser, lingering and unverifiable doubts about the veracity of the touch screen votes Florida, and four more years of Voldemort, I mean...well, you know who I mean. The nightmare continues...