Walmart and Bush: Has Anyone Ever Seen Them in the Same Room?

I was just thinking about how Walmart and Bush are exactly alike. Here is a brief list:

1. They're both evil. (Okay, I can be more specific and objective. I just wanted to get that out there).
2. They are much, much more popular in rural areas than cities.
3. They spell trouble for manufacturers.
4. They eschew intellectualism. (Have you ever been to Walmart's book section? Not pretty, my friend. Unless you think of colorbooks, hot rod magazines, and Ann Coulter's latest love letter to liberals as literature.)
5. Pro-gun, anti-sex. Need I say more?
6. They are even bigger monsters overseas.
7. Racist, sexist, xenophobic. On a good day.
8. Squeaky clean, white, Christian images. Corrupt souls.
9. They appeal to lower and middle class Americans by pretending to be plain-talking commonfolk. The only people that benefit are ultra-rich bastards.

Time magazine

After reading portion of the Time Person of the Year article available online, my guess is pandering with a healthy dose of ass-kissing. And I must reiterate my original sentiment: Fucking brown-nosing bastards. Rudolph agrees.

Time magazine's Person of 2004. (And a warning to skip the boring first paragraph if you're not a friend of mine.)

Ahhh, the joys of being back online. The computer gave us quite a scare this week when it broke. It didn't screw around, either. I mean it just broke. But my wonderful husband did some research and figured that it was the power supply. He went to Best Buy last night (thank you, late holiday shopping hours) and bought one and installed it and my computer works again. And it didn't lose any software or information (we had no idea if everything, including a massive project I'm working on, would be lost). I woke up today to the irritating, beautiful low whine of my computer. Oh, thank you Jesus. I've been suffering without Internet access. I couldn't read the news, or check the weather, or look up directions or store hours, or search the classifieds for a job, or look at my e-mail or anything that I would normally do with my most beloved modem. It was almost enough to make me get a job.

I was dismayed to learn this morning that Time magazine has named Bush Person of 2004 (didn't they used to call that "Man of the Year?"). (Wow, that was a punctuation minefield. Maybe Daisy would like to help since I'm too lazy to pull out a style manual.) The story is a little bit off, though. Well, the AP story synopsis made it seem weird, at least. Apparently the Time editors awarded the honor to Bush for "reshaping the rules of politics to fit his 10-gallon-hat leadership style." It seems like you could read that line either as Bush is a bold larger-than-life leader or a steamrolling power freak. And this line describing Bush's methods is even more loaded: "for sharpening the debate until the choices bled, for reframing reality to match his design, for gambling his fortunes — and ours — on his faith in the power of leadership." I can't figure out from this blurb whether the article is pandering to the left and right or taking subversive shots, disguised as praise, at Bush. Or maybe it was just written by committee. Either way, I'm intrigued.

David Vitter, a Digression and and Invitation

Salon ran an interesting piece about Metairie representative David Vitter in October. The article dabbles somewhat irresponsibly in rumors about Vitter's alleged extra-marital affair with a prostitute and a campaign pact with David Duke but the rest is an interesting summary of his career in politics. I have to admit that I know very little about Louisiana politics. I had an extremely embarrassing moment in a job interview in Washington D.C. when the interviewer asked me to name Louisiana's governor. My mind went completely blank and then I blurted out Mike Foster (after the woman had already moved on). Of course, since the interview was this year Foster had long since been replaced by Blanco. This gaffe took place after I had been gushing about my interest in politics and therefore caused me considerable distress. In my defense, it had already been a very long day and interviews make me headachy and nauseous (and dimwitted, apparently). And it's not like I don't have a reasonable knowledge of politics; I imagine not everyone in the country can name the White House communications director or deputy defense secretary off the top of his or her head, but I can because I read the Washington Post and the New York Times religiously. And the Boston Globe (although mostly for sports). But since the New Orleans Times-Picayune is fluffy and the television news is laughable at best and borders on Jerry Springer territory at worst, I rarely bother with it. Maybe now is the time to start. To my friend and very knowledgeable historian, political junkie, and sports-guy Jeff: want to go have a drink or two? My treat.

Rudolph

Today my dog looked at me with the most touching, emotional expression. He had the look of a man who just found out that his long-lost brother was alive and well. Perhaps the look of a parent seeing his newborn baby for the first time. I was handing him a beef rib bone.

Update: Christmas in Algiers

One of our neighbors really went nuts. John and I are speculating that it's Blaine Kern, who produces almost all Mardi Gras floats in New Orleans and who does live in this neighborhood. He has a life-size Santa sitting in a sleigh of pelicans and pulled by the reindeer, as well as several elves sitting in his rather small, somewhat enclosed backyard. It's really spectacular. It also seems quite out of place in my dark, lonely, turn-of-the-century neighborhood. The effect is rather eerie (and the weird lighting and unusual colors definitely heighten that impression). I really need to take some pictures. There is an odd, lovely, tropical-looking tree that has dozens of trumpet-shaped flowers that fall toward the ground at one of the houses. The owner decorated it with tiny blue and white lights. When you're from New England, Christmas in Louisiana takes some getting used to. Somehow palm trees adorned with Christmas lights just don't get you into the mood like snow and firs. But like always, New Orleans does have its compensations. And these slightly off Christmas decorations seem beautiful for their own sake (especially since no one here cares about Christmas nearly as much as the real holidays: New Year's Eve and Mardi Gras).

Christmas in Algiers Point

Anyone who has not been to Algiers Point at night lately should make the trip. The Christmas fever seems to have taken hold of the neighborhood (and it's spreading). A few people went a little crazy and now everyone's getting into the act. Usually when this type of disease, I mean behavior, befalls a neighborhood homeowners use it as an excuse to live out their fantasies of living on the strip in Vegas. In Algiers, however, people seem disinclined to indulge their gaudier instincts. Instead we have a profusion of tasteful Christmasness. People are going a little crazy without the, well, craziness. It's actually rather nice. Oh, and they're filming a movie a block away from me too. From the preponderance of different film crews I have seen in the past few months I think my the Point is going to be in every movie that comes out next year. So check it out before we put up a big gate around the neighborhood to keep riff-raff like you out.

As an added bonus, whatever band has been playing at the Old Point bar the last few Sunday afternoons is phenomenal. The strains I hear from the levee when I take the monsters for a walk in this sleepy neighborhood suggest New Orleans jazz 80 years ago. Definitely worth a look.

Things I Will Miss About New Orleans...(cont.)

Fourth-grader suspended over suspected 'Jell-O shots'
By Doug Simpson, Associated Press December 7, 2004
NEW ORLEANS -- An 8-year-old girl was suspended for nine days for bringing to school what appeared to be about 30 "Jell-O shots" -- though it was unclear whether they contained alcohol.


Man, people are so uptight around here. Apparently the girl's mother makes them for her work in a bar and instructed her to sell them three for a dollar for "Christmas money."

By the way, honey, I just drank the last beer.

Binge

Dude, I'm, like, totally bingeing (SP?) on the junk food. I had a hot dog and it went straight to my head. I'm now awaiting my (well, really my husband's) totally greasy, pepperoni-topped frozen pizza. Send help.

Did I mention that I'm defrosting hamburger?

Union Carbide

BBC admits Dow 'interview' was a hoax
Man posing as spokesman said firm accepted Bhopal responsibility

Updated: 1:02 p.m. ET Dec. 3, 2004
LONDON - BBC World said on Friday that an interview it ran with a man it identified as a spokesman for Dow Chemical Co, in which he said the U.S. company accepted responsibility for India's Bhopal disaster, was wrong and part of an "elaborate deception".


The story is kind of amazing. The hoax is truer than the reality, which is that Union Carbide (later purchased by Dow) never admitted their responsibility for the tragic accident and always maintained that a rogue employee purposely caused it. They settled for about half a billion dollars with the community but never bothered to spend the thirty million needed to clean up the plant, which is still leaching dangerous chemicals and causing disease and birth defects.

Christmas in Iraq

I'm trying to figure out what kinds of gifts to send to my friend Racheal who has been deployed to Iraq as an Army National Guard reservist. The Internet is no help - I'm finding sites like "Christian and Patriotic Gifts & Chocolates." I've been wandering through serious Republican country for about 15 minutes now. I already spent 50 hours in west Michigan last week. Enough is enough. So does anyone have any gift ideas for a 23-year-old girl-who-should-never-have-been-deployed-in-the-first-place? She is a serious girly-girl and an incredible athlete. She hates walking and reading and loves strip clubs. The only suggestion she had was "junkfoodyummy." She hasn't slept in a month (which explains the lack of grammar-type substance in her e-mails) but expects to have a lot more time on her hands soon. Seriously, if anyone has any good ideas I would greatly appreciate the input. The only ones I can think of are lip balm, magazines and microwave popcorn, and maybe a plush pillow if the shipping doesn't break me. Maybe some liquor as well. Does anyone know if there are rules about that? Thanks for the help.

Strippers

Canada Invites Strippers and Gets Scrutiny
Scandal Renews Debate on Program to Import 'Exotic Dancers'

By Doug StruckWashington Post Foreign ServiceSunday, December 5, 2004; Page A12

TORONTO -- Coiled around a brass pole on a barroom stage, clad only in towering stiletto heels, a 31-year-old Romanian woman named Veronica is helping to fill what has suddenly become Canada's most talked-about shortage: a scarcity of strippers.

A government program to import hundreds of "exotic dancers," which was already controversial, took center stage recently when Canada's immigration minister, Judy Sgro, was found to have given preferential visa treatment to a nude dancer who did volunteer work in her reelection campaign for Parliament.

Critics say the program turns Canada into a pimp, while local employers assert it serves a legitimate business, and dancers from struggling countries say it's a way to better their lives.

Reasons Why I Prefer Being a Golden Retriever Puppy to Being Human: (A post by the real Rudolph, who is mad I've been using his name)

1. People give me lots and lots of attention just for being excessively cute. I am a beautiful blond. How 'bout you? Didn't think so.
2. I con people into giving me extra food all day long (see above reason).
3. I feel no pain. Not even when I am dropped on my head. Particularly when I am dropped on my head.
4. I do not over-analyze anything. I do not suffer from self-doubts, guilt or low self-esteem.
5. I do not worry about "getting chunky." People think I'm even cuter when fat.
6. I always think something fabulous is About To Happen!! Weee!
7. I think rolling around on my back is really quite entertaining. You should try it sometime.
8. I'm not suffering from post-election depression.

Trivial downside:

1. I'm not old enough to buy beer.
2. When I get lonely and sing the blues as an expression of my serious grief and existential angst, people think that it's funny. Folks, it's NOT funny! Really! Stop laughing.